It is often said that it takes a special and selfless person to be a surrogate. Carrying a child for someone else requires an immense amount of trust between people. For many couples, surrogacy is the last port of call in their journey to having children. There can be an array of complications, failed attempts and other issues that mean a couple cannot conceive, but thanks to the modern world there are glimmers of hope.
A recent Daily Mail article highlighted the very real effect that being a surrogate has on the surrogate herself. It’s easy to get caught up in the situation of the intended parents, which is often the reason a surrogate might choose a particular couple, but who the surrogate is and her motivation gives a real insight into what makes a successful outcome.
Louise, a mother to four children of her own, had decided that she wanted to be a surrogate. Her husband, James, was the one who originally floated the idea and it took hold. Louise worked with four sets of intended parents (who she was matched with through COTS) before conceiving the child she currently carries (due in March).
Her drive and unabated willingness to help create a family, like hers, for someone else allowed her to persevere though the first four false starts. Louise’s journey is not a completely unusual one. There are the hurdles of finding potential parents to help, plus working out the costs and expenses, and conceiving is not always simple or successful at the first attempt. Everyone finds it draining but as Louise says ‘‘I have no regrets about wanting to make this gift’. As with all potentially life changing endeavours, you can’t know what it’s like until you do it for yourself, and it’s important to be aware of what it is likely to involve.
Any potential surrogate must remember that there are likely to be setbacks which no one can anticipate. One of the most important things that we at Brilliant Beginnings strive for, is pairing the right surrogate with the right intended parents, and then providing support through the process to help smooth the journey. Louise said ‘all the profiles were heartbreaking, but we’d decided to help a married couple who had no other children and who shared similar values to us’. Some will want to form a strong personal connection with each other, but have differing views on what treatment plans and it is important to get this established at the outset.
There are undoubtedly many women who have the ability and the willingness to become a surrogate but perhaps don’t know how to go about it or what is involved. There is more information for surrogates on our website at http://www.brilliantbeginnings.co.uk/surrogates. As Louise puts it:
‘I knew Jane [the intended parent] would have exchanged places with me in a heartbeat if she could. And the reward for me will be seeing this baby in the arms of two loving parents.’
The full Daily Mail article is available here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2540167/When-surrogacy-turns-sour-Louise-expecting-baby-thatll-bring-joy-desperate-childless-couple-five-failed-pregnancies-wrangles-money-bitter-fallings-out.html